Anything but You
by Kisaragi Yuu
Summary: [chapter 3 uploaded] What Ken needs now is comfort from a certain redhead... and of course, the mentioned redhead would give all the comfort the younger boy ask /Ken x Aya/
1. Broken Wing

Warnings: shonen-ai, OOC, angst :P  
Spoilers: Aya-chan, Kaze, the beginning of the manga  
Disclaimer: Weiß doesn't belong to me. Nuff said! 

Anything but You   
Part 1: Broken Wing  
Kisaragi Yuu

It was another day where the birds were chipping, the beautiful autumn leafs were leaving the branch so the young ones would have a place to be born, the kids were running in the playground with smiling faces and healthy red cheeks... it was a beautiful Saturday in somewhere over August.

Funny although the wind was blowing rather hugely, the sun also shone quite hard.

He was standing in front of the hospital where his ex-paralyzed imouto stayed. One hand stuck on his pocket, he looked up... high into the sky. 

The sun was merely making him able to look upon anything. It was still too bright although he closed his eyes. 

"Aya..." 

Whispering the name of his imouto, he leaned against the nearest tree to find some shades. 

Closing his eyes, he rested his shoulder against the wooden surface. The wind blew across his smooth, pale skin, while his hair was being played with the lady wind. A sign of calmness was spread through his mimic. A pure portrait of daintiness... 

Then everything started to fade in black. 

... 

"Aya." 

_Who... who called? _

"Oii Aya." 

_The voice that I've been missing for days that passed like years... and minutes like hours... who..._

"Aya... open your eyes. It's me." 

_Who are you? _

"It's me. It's Ken, your everlasting slave in the Koneko along with Omi and Yohji. Just me." 

_K-Ken! _

He opened his eyes violently, making a sudden surprise to his own cornea until those little species hurt. Then he felt like his head was being banged onto a solid wall. He swore he could simply shot himself to death if it had to continue again for another minute. 

As his sight focused, he saw a vision of the person that had been bothering his sleep nowadays. The soccer boy with the most cheerful eyes he'd ever seen. 

"Ken...?" 

"Yo! Aah... you fainted beside the tree next to the hospital. I think it was some kind of anemia or what since you looked damn pale I could almost couldn't recognized you with a dead corpse! Don't go wandering away if you are not that strong." 

Listening to Ken's lecture, he rubbed his head and got up from the couch. He looked around. 

It was the mission room. 

"Where are the others?" 

"Omi went out to buy some medicines for you. Yohji is... well you know Yohji, somewhere over his own la-la land of searching for ladies and lovin'... or at least that's what he said about his 'trip'." 

"How did I get... here?" Aya asked as he noticed that a blanket had been covered up to his hips. He tried to get up but expectedly, a pair of hands stopped him. 

"Dame yo. You are not going to get up from there before the medicines arrive." He paused as his hands pushed Aya's body back to the couch gently, soon he put back the blanket up to Aya's neck, "I carried you back all the way down to our Koneko here. Believe it or not but I did." 

"...uso." 

Ken laughed, "Hontou! You are kind of light anyway. Need more calories on that skinny body, leader!" 

Out of Aya's sanity, his face started to redden. Dammit, why the hell it had to be Ken?! He was so embarrassed... moreover carrying him in the public would of course have attracted the neighbors' attentions. Just great. Now how could he show his face to them?? After people saw him carried by a younger boy... 

So _damn_ embarrassing. 

"Hey, don't get embarrassed! What I would say embarrassing was when I was a little kid. FAR more embarrassing. Wanna hear the tale?" 

The redhead looked to him without any word said in his lips, eyes wondered and wanted to hear Ken's story. He would listen to everything the brunette said. And Ken got the sign. 

"I was playing ball with my fellow lil' brothers, who of course are all demons," he laughed, "Then I slipped from a small pond and fell till I lost a teeth. That time I was only 7, so I cried as loud as I could in front of them, and I lost all the dignity I got with them. They were all surprised though since you see..." he paused again as he grinned, "I always played this character of 'big strong brother' you know?" 

"Aa, I know how you felt." 

He grinned wider, "Yeah I'm sure about it." 

Then he continued, "They are nice kids, they didn't laugh at me but they offered me tissues and said 'we thought you are half monster since you never cried...' hah, they thought I was a monster? I thought _they_ are the monsters with angelic faces." 

A fresh peel of laughter. 

Aya couldn't help himself but to smile at his teammate happiness. 

He wondered if he ever seen Ken got really down. No, he'd never seen it before. Either he's angry or he's happy. About that Kaze thing too was the same. He was seen quite sad and angry and down in the same time, but after a week he'd been happy and smiley again. 

This boy who suddenly just sneaked up into his mind and made him couldn't sleep. 

Ken... 

"Nani?" 

Aya was startled. 

"You called?" 

"I-Iie." 

"Funny, I was sure that someone called..." 

And suddenly Aya just had this really weird thing circling his rational head that in any chance, Ken could read his mind. But of course he shooed the thought away. There's no such thing. 

Feelings are just some blurry images that desperate people create to ease their loneliness in this world. 

At least that's what Aya thought before something unexpected came over his sorrow life. 

That he met Ken. 

He wondered since when he started to feel something funny about this brunette soccer boy. Was it when the first time they met? The look that Ken gave to him when he was chained by Yohji's wire... it got something inside. Something... that couldn't be described with words. 

Something unforgettable. 

Soon enough a certain blonde Weiß opened the mission room's door and walked down the spiral stairs with a bag of medicines on his hand. Noticing his leader cautiousness, he greeted, "Aya-kun! Feeling any better?" 

Aya nodded a little as Ken smiled to Omi, "Got the medicines?" 

"Well you didn't really tell me what to buy so... I just bought some aspirins and bandages, since the supplies of bandages in our storage room is wearing thin. While we _need_ bandages a lot." 

"Aah, thanks Omi!" Ken said as he took the aspirins and asked Omi to get some water. 

Aya took the little white tablets while waiting for the water. After the un-coloured liquid came, he swallowed the aspirins. Feeling the little devil of dizziness came back, he laid down to the couch again. 

*** 

Another night of mission. 

[Siberian, get out of there, use the map we've made. Balinese, take the route B and evacuate as quick as you can while Abyssinian, you'll have to cancel the target. I planted a bomb and it's going to blow in 4 minutes, which means you have 3 minutes and 02 seconds to execute him and get out of the hotel.] 

Ken looked around, he didn't find any way to escape, but hell, he's Weiß. He _had_ to escape. Seeing no other choice, he jumped off the window while breaking the glass with his hand. There was a swimming pool down there, he dived into the bluish water. He felt like he broke his ribs. 

"K'so..." 

Yohji took the route B, which made him has to use the off-ed elevator. He used the wire to climb down to the lowest floor and forced open the shutter wall. Then he also did the same like Ken, jumped off the building to the swimming pool. 

After groaning a little of pain, he met Ken, "Dammit. Next time we're on mission, never trust Omi to choose the escape field." 

"Yeah, surely. We'll end up broken ribs if we do." Ken laughed as he and the playboy Weiß swam throughout the pool and ran to their mobile. Omi was already expecting them. 

"Ne... where's Abyssinian?" the boy with codename Siberian asked. 

Omi looked to Ken, "Abyssinian still hasn't canceled the target. He has to be hurry... only 2 minutes to go." 

*** 

Somewhere over the floor in the 16th floor, there was a certain redhead with his victim sitting down in front of him looking helpless. Just like a prey with no way out. 

Aya unsheathed his katana, looking at his injured target who didn't even show the slightest fear in his eyes. 

"What are you waiting for? Kill me." 

"..." 

The katana that had been blooded by many people rose up to face the victim's neck. Aya didn't say a word, nor his impassive mimic changed. 

"Shi-ne." 

"NOO!!" 

Aya swung his head violently to see a girl about 15 years old age, running to them and hugged the victim with tears in her eyes. She looked to Aya, "Don't kill my father!! Please! Don't!! He's the only one I have after mom died... I beg you!!" 

"Midori..." the victim whispered while his hand tugged on his daughter's back, "...I have committed sins... I have to go to pay for what I've done. Many people are dead because of me... Midori is a good girl, ne? So don't cry." he smiled to the girl. 

"No... if you want to go to mother's lap, take me with you..." 

"Midori..." 

Aya stopped his movement as his hand that was handling the katana started to shake. Then suddenly a 'BOM' sound was heard. The bomb that was planted by Omi exploded. 

Aya widened his eyes. 

*** 

"A-Aya is still in there!" 

"Shimatta!!" Yohji cursed. Omi searched for Aya's location with his laptop, then he was startled, "How is this possible?? Abyssinian hasn't canceled the target! The whole building will collapse any time now!!" 

Ken's heart started to beat very fast. 

/Aya./ 

Then he just ran away from the car and got back to the building with his other friends' screaming his name on his back but he didn't care. He had to meet Aya. 

*** 

Aya coughed for the nth time. The smoke was getting more and more thick until he could barely saw anything. He left the victim and his daughter alone in the room, saying that it's all up to them now. 

He never felt sentimental like that... but somehow... he saw a vision of his own imouto in the girl's mimic. 

That's why he didn't kill him. 

Yeah he thought so. 

His lung reached the maximum capacity of holding on throughout the very dirty air. His legs started to cramp. As he walked a few steps again, his legs betrayed him and limped down. 

"...K'so..." 

He couldn't walk anymore. 

He rested his head on the wall and puffed some air as he closed his eyes. Maybe this is the end, he thought. He was already tired of the life he was having anyway. Moreover he lived for Aya, for taking her revenge. But now the revenge had been accomplished and he didn't care about others. 

He had no regrets... except that... he hasn't talked to the boy who little by little shed of the icicle heart he had. 

/Ken... if only I had the chance to confess to you... I won't have any regrets back again./ 

He closed his eyes deeply trying to imagine how Ken look when he smiled. It was all too vaguely familiar. He had remembered how Ken looked in every aspects of life till he could picture him anywhere he wanted. 

The playful brown coloured hair along with the matching orbs, the reddish cheek and the full of life shimmering skin... a perfect figure that God ever made. 

/...Ken.../ 

"AYA!!" 

Aya had lost his consciousness. 

Ken hurried to him as he carried the taller figure and tried to get out. But he couldn't, his movement was stopped by Aya's weight and the smoky scene along with the dirty air weren't helping either. He looked around, sweats traveled on his cheeks. Soon he took the nearest pot, and with all the strength he could gain, he threw it out of the window. 

The solid thing broke the glass. 

He looked down. /Damn, 16th floor is kinda high/ he thought. /But for Aya./ 

"For you, Aya." He whispered to the unconscious figure on his back. 

Then he jumped. 

*** 

_Only for you Aya _

_I do this only for you _

/Ken./ 

Aya opened his eyes a little. He was not in the Koneko, nor in his apartment. This white furnished place with very cleaned floor and a bucket of flowers decorating the table next to his bed is... 

...his imouto hospital. 

He tilted his head to see a pair of eyes was already watching him. "Aya-kun." 

"...Omi. What happened? How can I be in hospital? We are not in the census..." 

"Don't worry... it's all settled. We gave you a nick, here you are called Hanagiri Aya. While Ken-kun is Ryuzaki Ken." 

Aya looked around. "Where is Ken?" 

Omi shut his mouth, Aya sensed the tense that started to rise as he noticed that Omi's hand was clutching his own fabric of short pants. He looked to Omi, "...did you just cry?" 

The ocean-eyed boy was startled. Soon he looked down, didn't have the courage to look at his leader's eyes. Aya got up from the bed until he was sitting on the white-sheeted bed and asked, "Omi, what happened to Ken?" 

Then Omi just burst out to silent tears. 

"K-Ken-kun... he lost his sight." 

TBC~ 

It's kinda long since I wrote anything, ne? ^^;; This one came in one night when I was very sick and I just couldn't see anything so I just thought what if it's Ken. ^^; kinda angsty ne? Well anyway!! COMMENTS onegaiii!!! . 


	2. Wishing for Lies

Warnings: shonen-ai, OOC, angst :P  
Spoilers: Aya-chan, Kaze, the beginning of the manga  
Disclaimer: Weiß doesn't belong to me. Nuff said! 

I think I'm torturing Ken too much^^; who doesn't enjoy it?? Ken is such a cutie, need to torture him *evil grin* anyway gomen for those who reaaaaaally love Ken!! *bows* Comments are appreciated!! (I'm begging you for it, actually ^_^)

Anything but You   
Part 2: Wishing for Lies  
Kisaragi Yuu 

Sometimes he just wished that all of these incidents were a lie. 

How could such a beautiful boy have to go through this? Isn't what he's been is enough? Aya thought to himself. He never could understand why heaven is such a cruel fate-maker. 

One hand ruffled to his hair he remembered the day back. 

*** 

_"He... what?" _

_Omi stiffened in his silent tears, which from Aya's description were hold with all his strength till his chest hurt. Omi must have been wanted to cry out loud, but his rational mind just won't let it go like that. Knowing the best that cries and tears were not they needed best at that kind of time. _

_"...he lost his sight, Aya-kun... for eternity... he would never see again... when he rescued you out of the building, he dived into the swimming pool while carrying you. It was too much weight till he landed on the bottom of the pool and hurt his head. The spot that was hurt was the one which malfunctioned the whole human's sight communication..." _

_Omi paused as more tears slipped on his cheeks, "His optical nerve is damaged..." _

_"Uso..." _

_"Aya-kun..." _

_"No, I don't believe this. Ken? The Hidaka Ken I know? No..." _

_"Aya-kun!" _

_"NO!" _

_Before he knew what he was doing, his feet were already running out from the room and headed to the reception's desk, reminding him that he didn't ask which room Ken stayed. _

_Then he ran in the speed that he never thought he could achieve to the mentioned room. _

_Alas, the room was empty because the patient in there was still in further concern. Aya panted his breath as he looked around. White pajama started to get sweat. _

_"Ken... Ken!" _

_He didn't remember anything else except of the 2 giant bodyguards came and took him back to his room. _

_They say hospitals are just like heaven since what hospitals do is to help people, cure people and encourage them to gain a new life, a new health. The colour of the base hospitals is white too, the colour of the pure. _

_But that time the hospital was seen like a hell jail for Aya. _

*** 

Frowning, he dived his teeth deep onto his own lower lip. The soft, thin lip of him started to bleed as the result to the bit. Blood started to come out but he just didn't care. 

Creek. 

To his surprise, the door to his hospital room opened, revealing someone familiar to him named Kudou Yohji, the womanizer. And to his other surprise again, the womanizer who always looked playful and had no problem seemed to be face vaulted by the whole incidents. He looked pale. 

Still, a grin sneaked into his face while he passed the lamp switch that had been turned off by Aya, didn't bother to turn the lights on. 

He, just like Aya, had a deal of friendship with the night. 

"Yo, Aya my man. How are you?" 

"I'm fine." 

"You heard what happened to Kenken?" 

Silence replied to Yohji's question, and the playboy had gained his answer. 

Yohji laid his weight to the white furnished wall as he crossed his arms. He wanted to take a cigarette to lighten up his stress but since the spot wasn't suitable for smoking, he restrained himself from doing it. Eyes looking everywhere except Aya's orbs, he tied his hair carelessly. Few golden strands jutting out. 

"Did he know?" 

"Huh?" 

Emerald eyes looked over the black figure of his leader, eyes wondering. 

"Did he know that his eyes are... paralyzed?" 

Aya didn't want to use the word 'blind' since with all the common senses and the rationality he had in his brain, he still wanted to lie to himself. That Ken wasn't blind, that Ken could still see the sunlight, that Ken could still teach soccer to children. 

All he wanted to hear was that 'Ken is healthy, this is all just a big joke, gotcha!' from someone. 

Eventhough that it would be a lie... 

"...no." 

While Yohji knew the best what Aya wanted, but being another must-be-cold-bastard he was, he couldn't lie to his leader, nor giving him false hopes. 

This world was only a big joke from truths and lies. 

The truth of hell and the lie of heaven, only two options. Life is just as simple as that for Weiß. And they have been living in the black, solid truth, killing their own dreams with the corrupted sinners... up until now. 

"...sou ka." 

Another length of silence until the leader, for the second time, broke it off. 

"Why are you here?" 

Yohji smiled, "I don't know. Maybe because I need someone to talk to, but since our dear Omittchi is not in the mood of talking, or eating actually, and Kenken is not there, what left is our dear leader. Bad option, but I have no other choice, ne?" 

From what Aya heard, it could be seen that Yohji was depressed too. 

Well, who could be not? 

Thinking that someone as pure and as innocent as Ken would never see the faces of his soccer kids smiling again, or to see how the sun shines again... 

It's so heart wrenching thought to think about. 

Yohji separated himself from the wall and dragged a seat next to Aya's bed. He pulled his own body down to the chair and made himself comfortable. 

"I have been discussing some things with Omi." He laid his eyes on the redhead figure next to him, "about the Kritiker's reaction and the missions. We have been sorting most of things out, I think we could convince Manx not to cancel him... although Omi doubted it... still we couldn't find a solution to one thing." 

The lanky playboy looked to his leader sternly, "how the confession would be told to Ken that he's... I mean, he would not be able to see again." 

Aya shut his mouth as his eyes were plastered to the lonely streets. 

"You, Aya." 

"...eh?" 

"You are the one who should tell him the truth." 

"..." 

Although Aya didn't say anything, the blonde noticed how the grip of Aya's hands started to clench his own blanket to sudden grief. He understood the sign. 

"Aya, Ken has always been talking about you. He has a special feeling for you, more than a teammate to his leader, nor a friend to his other friend. Moreover, you are one cold bastard that would have the heart to do it." 

Aya glared his infamous glare to Yohji as the opponent blonde smiled teasingly, "that's what I meant." 

"You are the only one strong enough for this." 

Then Aya felt a sudden itch in his chest. 

'Strong' enough for this? Yohji didn't know anything, he thought. He was not strong, he was vulnerable, but as the leader of Weiß and as a sinner, he could never show his own feelings to the others. 

It's like running away from the facts with a mask glued on his face. 

He would never call _that_ strong. 

Then again he understood the best that actually, he wanted to tell Ken the truth. He didn't really know why... maybe because he wanted to be the first one Ken cried onto? Or maybe because he wanted to be with Ken, heck with the truth that Ken could never see his face again. 

Or... maybe because he loved him...? 

The last question sounded more like a state than a question in Aya's head. 

"I know." 

"Aa, sure you do. And about Koneko..." 

Aya cut him off, "I leave it all to you and Omi." 

"..." Yohji paused awhile before he continued, "...yeah." 

Aya didn't want to hear any problem except those which were related to Ken. All he could and wanted to think about that night was how to tell Ken the truth. 

*** 

Time sure passed quickly when you find something important to do. 

Like... telling somebody the truth that you believe it would make him shatter in tears, but then again you can't do anything about it nor lying to him. 

A sick gamble. 

He hated this. 

He hated everything that had happened. Including himself who was standing in front of Ken's room without any courage nor bravery to step forward now, open the door, and be done with it. He was afraid that he would eventually shatter himself into pieces while doing it. 

But he had to. 

Damn those little fact aspects of life. 

Undetermined hand reached to the knob, slowly twisting the little handle to the right and opened the door. He stepped into the room. 

Then he regretted that he ever did it. 

A certain familiar figure was lying motionlessly in the bed, his eyes were bandaged and his hands were limping down. The right hand covered the left one. His breath was slow and soft, so soft that Aya could barely notice that he's breathing or not. Lips were attached closely, didn't have any sign on saying a single word out. He was in a mood that no one could identify. 

Aya swung his head to the other side. 

He didn't want to see Ken in this condition, he didn't want to believe that... that man who was lying on the bed with bandaged eyes was the same man named Hidaka Ken, he just wanted to run away from that room. 

"...who is there?" 

Aya widened his eyes. 

"Who is standing there?" The familiar voice chimed in again, and Aya knew he had to do this, no matter how much he wanted to run away. 

"...Ken." 

"Aya? Is that you?" 

"Yes, Ken, it's me." 

"Aya! Ne, how are you? Are you okay? Any broken ribs?" the figure that had been making Aya doubt that he's alive soon raised from his bed and sat on it, hands reaching to nowhere. Aya caught his hands hesitantly as he sat on the chair next to it. 

/Baka Ken, how could you be concern with me when you should be concerning about yourself?/ 

"I'm fine, thanks to you." 

A sigh of relief, "Aah, you don't know how much that sound refreshing. Everybody has been acting weird, they won't let me go anywhere nor take this stupid bandage off. They won't even let me see you or the others to see me! How weird is that?" 

Aya's chest hurt. 

It even did now since Ken sounded like nothing happened to him. 

Like he would surely walk out of that hospital freely, work on the Koneko like he always did, and start to teach soccer to his kids again. Aya wanted no more than to run out of the hospital and throw himself out of the building. 

"Yes... strange indeed ne?" 

"Oh you have NO idea. So, how are the others? Yohji? Omi? I'm sure Omi would make this such a big fuss." 

"Don't you think it _is_ a big fuss?" 

"Huh? Me? No way! Nothing is a big fuss to me, I would be healthy again in a week." 

Aya silenced. 

"...Aya?" 

"Yes?" 

"What's wrong? You sound like those ought-to-be-shot DJs on the old folks radio, no sign of life in those tones. Well... you always sound like that... but this time is different. Is something going on without my notice?" 

Aya wished Ken never could be more blunt than that. 

"...Ken... I have to tell you something..." 

"Yeah?" 

"Anou ne..." 

"I'm listening." 

Dammit, this was hard. 

Aya bit his lips, trying to figure the complicated words that would eventually make this whole situation less tight. He wished he had the quarter of Yohji's joke side or Omi's sweet talk. But he did not. All Aya had was bluntness and pure truth, nothing covered with lies and nothing hidden in it. 

He wished he were a better man than he was already being. 

"What, Aya?" 

"...Ken, I'm afraid that this is not a small fuss which you can completely ignore." 

Ken tilted his head to the older boy, "Huh?" 

Aya hated this. He really did. 

"You lost your sight." 

Ken silenced, then he asked again, didn't quite get what the redhead just said, "What?" 

"Ken, your eyes are paralyzed. When you saved me you fell to the wrong spot and injured your optical side of brain. It disabled you from seeing anymore and..." 

Aya could not get further than that, so he cut his own words and looked down, letting not the grip on Ken's hands loosen. 

"Ken... I'm so sorry." 

Bringing the brunette's hand closer to his face, he looked to the figure in front of him. 

Lips parted and hair suddenly seen very ruffled, Ken looked like a slave that is going to be sold. He didn't say anything, nor start to curse, he just sat there silently. Like trying hard to register the truth. Aya felt more aches in his chest. 

"...Aa... sou ka..." he paused as he continued with trembling voice, "...that means that I don't have to teach soccer to Jun and Hikaru again, ne...?" 

"Ken..." 

"Ah... guess I couldn't work on the Koneko again..." 

"Wait... Ken." 

"...no more sun shines... no more sight of Omi's smiling and Yohji's blonde hair..." 

"Ken, stop." 

"...no more sight of... you..." 

/Eh?/ 

Ken tried to smile, he really did. He was sure that he smiled the right way, but somehow the smile that was plastered on his face was pure fake. Still, it was a smile. 

"Aya... can you leave me alone?" 

"Ken..." 

"Aya... please...?" 

"Ken, I-" 

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!" 

Aya was surprised, so surprised that his grip on Ken's hand loosen. 

The brunette wasn't looking at him, but he could notice that Ken himself was surprised at the sudden tone he made. Aya didn't say anything, knowing the best that saying more would mean more pain. He rose from his chair. 

He headed to the door and opened it, stepping one foot out of the room. He looked back. 

"When you need me, Ken..." 

"I know... I'm sorry that I snapped at you..." 

"Anytime." 

Then he closed the door, as well as his heart. 

He didn't realize that tears were already started to stroll on his pale cheeks, but he realized that the brunette boy from inside the room was crying. 

TBC~ 


	3. Here With You

Warnings: shonen-ai, OOC, angst :P   
Spoilers: Aya-chan, Kaze, the beginning of the manga  
Disclaimer: Weiß doesn't belong to me. Nuff said! 

I was planning for this series to end in chapter 3 but as you see... I think it will be delayed to more chapters (gomen... I do have a problem with my punctuality -_-;) still comments are fairly accepted~! 

Anything but You  
Part 3: Here With You  
Kisaragi Yuu 

It's been a week, a week which had been full of torture and pain. 

And it had also been a week since last time Aya visited his brunette dream lover. After what happened, Aya hesitated between coming again or not since he believed that Ken must have hated him by now. 

Of course he did. Aya must have hurt his feeling. 

It may be not the redhead's fault, but being the one who told him the sickening fact, Ken must have unconsciously blamed him. 

He hated himself who's being such a coward. Since when Fujimiya Aya, the brave soul of cold-hearted men's chivalry changed to someone... something called a coward? He's being immature and he's pampering himself, he didn't like it but he just couldn't help it. 

Since Ken is his source of strength and his source of weakness. 

Sitting on one of the chairs available in the Koneko, he dazed at his own thoughts without noticing the others were already looking at him with sad looks plastered on their faces. He's not the only one who was suffering in there. 

The air felt too thick. 

"...did you went to the hospital to see him, Yohji-kun?" 

"Aa. But there's this sign in front of his door written 'not receiving any guests' so I didn't really see him. I just left our flowers there, hoping that a kind nurse would take it in." 

"The sympathy flowers?" 

Silence. 

"No." 

Omi looked up to Yohji while Aya opened his ears wide. 

"Ken doesn't need our sympathy, he's not that spoiled. You know what he needs? He needs time to accept the truth now, he needs to be alone for awhile." 

The youngest boy closed his gapped mouth as he looked down and whispered a "Sou ne..." between his whispers. That was before the redhead stated. 

"This is all because of me." 

The other blondes turned their heads to their leader. 

"Aya-kun..." 

"If only I didn't put any emotion while I was killing the victim, Ken wouldn't be running back to the building and saved me. He wouldn't be in the hospital right now and had his eyes paralyzed. He would still be here with us, all healthy and clumsy like he always be. I'm in the guilt for all these incidents..." 

"Aya-kun that is not your fault..." 

But anything that the redhead's partners say would not change anything, Aya had already blamed himself for causing Ken to lose his sight. 

Why did the baka brunette saved him? He wasn't that worthy for the soccer boy to sacrifice his sight for his safety. In fact he should be dead at that night, and he wanted to. But why did he save him? 

"Dammit Aya, this is no time for self blame." 

"Still I'm guilty for Ken's eyes." 

"We are all guilty for everything that happened. But none of us are blaming himself, why? Because it doesn't and will never change anything. So don't start blaming yourself, because it is not your fault." 

"Not my fault? I put my emotion when we were in missions. In Weiß, you don't give sympathy to your victims, you kill them, without any hesitations, I broke that rule." 

"Even the coldest man on earth still have the slightest emotion in him." 

"I shouldn't have it." 

More silence. 

Yohji sighed as he tied his wavy bleached blonde hair and took his coat. He headed to the doorway although it was raining outside. Good, maybe a little walk under the rain would restrain himself to knock his suddenly chickened leader down. Of course, also for just a moment, to forget about his latest problem in his life. 

"Nothing will change even if you are blaming yourself." 

That was the lanky playboy's last words before he strolled out of the Koneko into the coldness of the rain. 

Omi headed to his leader as he put a hand on Aya's shoulder. His ocean eyes were looking stern. When Aya looked back, he noticed the traces of tears that no soap could hide on the younger boy's cheeks. 

"You need to see Ken-kun..." 

"Ah... no..." 

"Aya-kun, this is not good for any of us. Eventhough that Ken-kun might needs time to be alone, but a week is enough. How does he feel everytime he falls asleep and wakes up when he couldn't put the difference between night and day? All time for him now is blackness, he only could sense himself, and I believe that he's feeling lonely." 

Omi paused before he started again, "What he needs now is your companion." 

"How could I see him when I'm in the fault for him to be blind?" 

"Don't think about it, what happened is not important. What important now is what we can do. What _you_ can do, Aya-kun." 

Aya looked hesitated by his silentness and Omi knew it was just a little more kick before the ear-pierced redhead would go to the hospital and meet his so-called-brother, Ken. 

"He's lonely." 

"Why don't you meet him yourself?" 

The blonde boy smiled a thoughtful curve on his lips as he took the older boy's coat and gave it to him. Since the pale hands of Aya didn't seem to take the offer, Omi forced the coat to Aya and pushed him out of the Koneko after throwing a dark purple umbrella to him. 

"Say our greetings to him. Ja!" 

Then the entrance to the Koneko was closed. 

Aya blinked. He stood in front of the Koneko in the middle of the rainy day with an umbrella attached to his hand and a coat on his back. He sighed. /He'll be a slave to his desire when he grows up./ he thought. 

*** 

Aya consciously slowed his steps while he was heading to the hospital. 

This gave him two functions, the first is to give him time to be ready and the second is to make him think what should be the subjects for them to chat about. 

He never realized that peering somebody would be damn hard. 

He also never had a problem in matters to talk about, since anybody who knows him would understand how Aya never spoke when he didn't need to. Now it was his turn to start the chatting, it felt funnily awkward. 

Ken... what would Ken talk about if he were him? He didn't know a damn thing about soccer since he thought that it's just a waste of time to watch something like that. Now he had no subject to talk about and he regretted he never accepted any of Ken's offers to the soccer bowls. 

Sighing, he realized that he already reached the hospital. 

He wasn't ready and he had no subject to talk about. 

Dammit. 

*** 

He stood in front of the room that he hadn't visited for a week. The nurse who delivered him nodded politely as she slowly walked back to the reception desk. 

The sign of 'not accepting any quest' was already removed, he wondered if he was allowed to get in. 

/Baka, what the hell are you thinking? Get in, ask how does he feel and get out. That's it. He's your teammate, it's your job to ask about his condition./ 

Opening the door hesitantly, he walked in. 

There was only a little bed lamp to light the room, making the room quite dark. There wasn't a single sound there either. What he could hear were only the sound of rain dripping on the outer streets violently and the presence of someone breathing in the bed. 

Dead flowers that came from their Koneko decorated the table next to the bed. He doubted that anyone who knows Ken would guess that this is the room where Ken stayed. This room was more likely to be his, it didn't match with anything related to the sun-bathed happy Ken. 

His chest ached, just like a week before. 

He wondered if today would end like that day. 

Slowly, he moved closer to the bed. He stood next to Ken, who was closing his eyes without any sign of life. He bit his lips. What the hell did they offer him to eat? He got so thin until the pajama that was his size a week ago turned out so loose. This happened so fast... in just a week. 

"...Aya?" 

Aya was startled. 

"...Aya... is that you?" 

"A-Aa... Ken... how are you?" 

Ken bent his neck to Aya's side as he smiled, but still with his eyes closed. "Just as you see... here I am." 

The redhead bowed down, taking the nearest chair with him as he sat there. He put off his coat as he drew himself closer to the younger boy. 

"You grow thinner." 

"Surely. You know how much I hate porridge? Well I hate it now since what they serve for these last blasted days is just porridge. Porridge with eggs, porridge with salted vegetable, porridge with beef... porridge, porridge, and porridge. Yuck." 

Aya smiled. 

Well at least he still had his sense of humor, Aya thought. Ken was so strong, way stronger than him. 

"Omi likes porridge." 

"Now that's the problem, I don't know how he can stand that melted rice food..." 

Aya smiled more. And he was damn worried on what should they talk about, now Ken did all the subjects and somehow he found that quite relaxing. 

"Ne Aya..." 

"Hmm?" 

"...Gomen ne..." 

"...What for?" 

"I snapped to you last week... I don't know what came over me, but I just did. That night I couldn't fall asleep, I just... stare at the blankness. It feels funny to talk to someone else without looking at their eyes, but the dark." 

Aya bit his lips. He forced himself to say something. 

"What were you thinking?" 

"Nothing... nothing actually. I never knew that my mind could go blank. Now when I think about it, it's kinda scary to not think about anything. That was the first time I've ever gone _blank_ ...and I don't really like the feeling about it." 

"...Aa. It's better to think about something." 

"I guess so." 

Then the silent minutes were drawn right there. After a few minutes of silence, Ken started the conversation again. Parting his lips as like forcing himself to talk, he called the older boy's name, "Aya..." 

"Yes?" 

"What time is it?" 

"8 PM, what's the matter?" 

"Ah... it's night already... you're not coming home?" 

"...No." 

Ken smiled reassuringly, "I kinda wished you don't. Am I egoist?" 

"No." 

/How could I go when you are suffering here? Ken.../ Aya thought. Then he felt the itch to touch the younger boy, to stroke his fine shaped face... to kiss and taste that thin lips... but his ability to restrain himself had done him a good job. At the last he just took Ken's hands to him and held it tight. To his surprise, the smaller hands held him back just as tight. 

Ken's small voice but loud enough to be heard clearly startled Aya again for the nth time that night. Even more with the strange question it formed in words. 

"Aya... will you be there when I wake up?" 

Aya looked at the closed eyelids warmly, then he nodded silently. A smile was formed to his lips. He drew himself closer, still holding Ken's hands with him. 

"...Of course Ken, I'll be here. I won't go anywhere. Now go to sleep, you need some rest for your own health." 

"...Sorry... for making you worried..." 

"Aa... betsuni." 

"...Oyasumi..." 

"Oyasumi, Ken." 

Then the brunette let a long breath out of his lung as he rested on his shoulder and fell asleep. Aya watched the younger boy to the dream realm as he held his hands tighter. 

Aya drew himself closer to Ken as he raised just enough to match Ken's eyes with his. He studied every inch and every curve on the soccer player's face. Soon he found out that he was already gazing and hypnotized with the beautifulness of the younger boy, and he didn't find it surprising at all. 

That urge to taste the lips came back to him. 

And this time he knew it too well that he couldn't resist it. 

Aya moved closer and closer, until he could count the distance of his face to the other boy in inches. Moving slowly, he could feel the breath of the brunette. Slow and passionately... he headed to his lips. 

Before suddenly he moved up and kissed the boy's closed eyelids gently. 

Savoring the moment of Ken's hair scent over him, he closed his own eyes. Silently he promised himself to kiss the boy when the boy is in the real world. Soon he took his position back and parted his lips with Ken's eyelids. He moved back to his chair with still Ken's hands on his palms. 

Smiling in the dark, he whispered. 

"...Good night, my angel." 

TBC~ 


End file.
